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Posts Tagged ‘about me’

Okay, now that people have had time to decide whether they think I’m really a liar or not I will reveal the truth.

1.  As the youngest sibling of four children, my parents let me do whatever I wanted, including roam around our five acre lot unsupervised.  So when my mother would come looking for me I would hide up in the old pepper tree and pretend I couldn’t hear her.  I did this so often that our neighbor’s bird would call out my name throughout the day, along with some very colorful words it had picked up from my father.

False. While it is true that I lived on five acres and my mother let me roam around freely I am not the youngest of four children.  I’m actually the fourth child of eight and while there is a bird across the street from parent’s house who mimics the not so gentle vocabulary of my father, the name the bird calls is not mine, but my youngest brother’s, who like my older sister, has an affinity for running from my mom and hiding in the pepper tree.

2.  Most children learn to tie their shoes by the end of kindergarten, but I was stubborn.  I didn’t understand why, with the invention of velcro, anybody would ever need to learn to tie one’s shoes.  It was quick, it was easy, and it was also embarrassing by the time I hit sixth grade.  So I did what any kid would do in my situation and I gave into peer pressure.  Imagine my parent’s shock when their eleven year old confessed she still didn’t know how to tie her own shoes and she needed them to show her how.

False. I actually learned to tie my shoes long before I even started school.  My two older brothers and sister could all tie theirs and I hated waiting for my parents to tie mine.  So one morning I woke up.  Carried my shoes out to the living room and spent the day figuring out how to tie my shoes all by myself.  My mother still laughs at my stubborn refusal for help.

3.  In my second year of college I ditched my last class of the day to go out on a date with a very cute boy.  We had a great time and we even returned to the college parking lot fifteen minutes before my class let out.  While we were standing by his car talking, my father and my ex-boyfriend both showed up looking for me because the gas light had been on in the car and I hadn’t returned home yet.  The cute boy of course left, but not before seeing my ex walk over to me and try to kiss me.  The next time I saw the boy I explained what had happened without much hope of a second date.  Even I thought the story sounded ludicrous.  A few weeks after the incident in the parking lot, the boy asked me out again.  Apparently the story was too ridiculous not to believe and we’ve been dating ever since.

True. Surprisingly this one is true.  There had been many times I didn’t come home after class and my parents never came looking for me.  To make it worse, my little sister kept telling my father that I shouldn’t even be out yet, but he wouldn’t listen to her.  Apparently my father then called up my ex-boyfriend who freaked out too and then got jealous when he saw me with someone else.  I’m just thankful that my boyfriend believed me.  We’ve now been together for almost four years.

4.  When I was really small I idolized my oldest brother, not just to the point where he could do no wrong, but to the point where I utterly believed he was invincible.  At first my parents thought it was cute and my brother laughed away my admiration, but I had a really vivid imagination even then and the idea of him being invincible turned into a theory that he was made of stone.  I quickly decided to act upon this new idea and I did it the only way I knew how; by testing it out.  At first I used small things for my experiment, like toys and other tiny objects I could throw.  Then, whenever my brother walked by, I would chuck them as hard as I could.  He would just turn, smile and walk away confirming what I had suspected.  Eventually I grew weary of fire tactics and began using bigger objects, like my wooden rocking chair and metal baseball bats.  My brother wasn’t quite as good natured about me running up and slugging him as hard as I could with the crowbar I found outside, but he still remained unharmed.  Determined to prove once and for that my theory was indeed correct, I snuck up on my brother with two eight pound weights in my hands and dropped them on his head.  Let’s just say I learned my brother wasn’t indestructible that day.

False. Okay so Cat got this one, but there is a twist.  I did idolize my older brother and I even had a special nickname for him, Rat-bones, but I never thought he was made of stone.  No that honor goes to my first little brother.  And the person getting hit wasn’t my oldest brother, it was me.  To make it worse, I wasn’t sleeping the day my little brother dropped the weights on my head, I had just finished dressing my baby sister and was playing with her on the floor when two dumbbells fell from the ceiling crushing my skull.  In his defense he never bludgeoned me with a crowbar, only everything else.

5.  My neighbor used to suck her thumb all the time.  She even had a blanket she would carry around with her when she did and whenever my mother babysat her she would bring it.  One day, while my mother was watching us, my sister and I decided to play a game.  Since our neighbor was pretty gullible we decided to pretend we were calling the cops on her for sucking her thumb.  We told her she would be arrested and her blanket would be taken away.  She didn’t believe us though, even when we took the phone in the back of the house off the receiver and pretended to dial 911 on the other phone.  I even tried acting like the operator, but it didn’t work, so I hung up the back phone.  Of course my sister thought I was still on the other end and dialed 911 one more time.  When the real operator answered the phone my sister slammed the receiver down and the neighbor girl  ran out of the house.  Hours passed before we saw a police car pull into our driveway and we heard a knock on the door.  My sister and I tried to hide under our covers, but our mother found us and made us go to the door and explain what happened to the officer.   The lecture he gave us was nothing compared to what our mother did to us after he left.  The neighbor girl had been long gone by this time and she never came back over again.  Looking back now I can’t really say that I blame her.

False. I was never that mean as a kid, but my sister and the neighbor girl were.  I was really the blanket carrying thumb sucker in this story and when they “accidently” called the police on me I ran and hid out in the barn with my blanky until the sun went down.  At least our pony didn’t seem to mind that I sucked my thumb.

6.  I am an adventurous person.  I always have been.  Even my favorite cartoon shows were about adventure.  Batman, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Darkwing Duck.  I even watched He-Man.  And like many children I liked to reenact my favorite parts.  My mother found this humorous for the most part, that is until the day she loaded me into the car, buckled me in and told me we were going to pick my brothers up from school.  As she pulled out of our driveway I unbuckled my seatbelt, opened the door and shouted “I have the power!” before I proceeded to jump out of the car and roll into the bushes.  At the same time my mother hit a small bump.  I have to say it was one of the few times she wasn’t that happy to find me alive.

False. I think the first sentence of this lie is the biggest lie I’ve ever told.  I am one of the least adventurous people you will ever meet and I have always been that way.  One time my parents had me drive up the Sequoia’s in their f-150 truck, which is a stick shift, and I cried the whole way up, much to my sister’s displeasure.  I did love those cartoons though.   And who was the person who jumped out of the car and rolled into the bushes?  Well that was my second oldest brother who thought it was hilarious.

7.  In highschool I was a top student.  I did my work, turned it in on time and even participated in school sports.  But sometimes, I hate to admit, I would get lazy and I would look for ways to make homework and classwork easier and less time consuming.  One class I did this in was my freshman Biology class.  Our teacher had us keep a notebook and we would answer the questions at the end of each lesson and do the chapter tests in said notebook.  Well I decided that he didn’t really read our answers so I quit answering the end of the chapter lessons.  I would just write down the question so it looked like I had done the work.  Time went on and I didn’t get caught, so I decided to push it even further and not answer the questions for the end of the chapter tests.  Afterall, I was saving so much more time by just repeating the questions.  The day after we turned in our notebooks for check, my teacher came into class and held up a plain black notebook.  My heart raced and he opened it up so the entire class could see the hasty scribbles inside.  He then informed the class of my not so brilliant idea and announced that he does read our notebooks and if anyone else tried to cut corners they would receive an “F”.  He didn’t tell the class whose notebook he had, but it was embarrassing all the same.  Worse still, he called me into his office and gave me even more work to makeup for what I had done.  So much for saving time.

False. I was a top student and I played sports in highschool. I even lettered my freshman year, but when I decided to “make life easier for myself” I was never stupid about it.  My biology teacher loved me and would even brag about me to the other honor biology class.  Little did he know that I wasn’t always an honest student.  I watched him grade the notebooks one day and realized the only thing he graded were the tests at the end of the chapter, so that was the only thing I actually did in my notebook.  If he would have taken the time just to peruse my other work, he would have realized I just repeated the sentences.  I did feel sorry for the poor girl who didn’t realize how he graded the notebooks.  I wonder if she passed….

So there you have it.  My six lies and one truth.  Oh, and I know I said I would announce the six people I am passing the award onto, but I think I’m going to explore just a little longer before I do that.  Sorry.

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